Divorce and mental health: for adults and children
How divorce affects adults and children, ways to help kids through it, and how therapy can support the whole family.
Adaptive Behavioral Services · · Updated · 2 min read
Divorce and separation change almost everything at once: your home, your routines, your finances, your relationships and, if you have children, how your family works day to day. Even when it is the right decision, it is common to feel grief, relief, anger, guilt and fear, sometimes all in the same afternoon.
How divorce can affect adults
- Grief for the relationship and the future you pictured
- Anxiety about money, housing or custody
- Loneliness, especially at first
- Anger or resentment that is hard to let go
- Trouble sleeping and concentrating
- Questions about identity and self-worth
How it can affect children
Children react differently depending on their age and personality. Some become clingy or have trouble sleeping. Others act out, withdraw, struggle at school or worry that the divorce is their fault. Teens may seem fine on the surface while feeling a lot underneath.
Helping children through it
- Tell them together if you can, in simple, age-appropriate words.
- Make it clear it is not their fault and that both parents still love them.
- Keep routines as steady as possible across both homes.
- Do not put them in the middle. Avoid using kids as messengers or criticizing the other parent in front of them.
- Let them have their feelings. Listen without rushing to fix.
- Watch for signs they need more help, like lasting changes in sleep, school, mood or behavior.
Taking care of yourself
- Lean on friends and family for practical and emotional support
- Keep basic routines for sleep, meals and movement
- Take decisions one at a time
- Set boundaries with your former partner that protect your peace
- Give yourself time. Healing does not follow a schedule.
How therapy can help
Individual therapy can help you work through grief and anger and rebuild your sense of self. Children and teens can have their own sessions to talk about the changes. Family therapy can help with communication and adjusting to new routines, and co-parents can work on communicating with less conflict.
Getting started
Adaptive Behavioral Services offers therapy by secure video for adults, teens, children and families across Pittsburgh and western Pennsylvania. Request an appointment or call (412) 661-7790.
